


Four Reasons the Avengers Can Only See Him as Captain America, and One Time They See Him as Steve

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Backstory, Bad childhoods, Brief reference to a child witnessing domestic abuse, Childhood, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Angst, Steve Feels, Team Bonding, Winter Solder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are growing closer, but everyone seems to have trouble seeing Steve as just a team member instead of Captain America. It turns out that Tony, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint all have something in their pasts that make it a struggle to see Steve for who he really is -- but it's not the expected. They all have negative memories associated with the Captain America (with the icon, the guy in propaganda films and on T-shirts), but never tell Steve and they do their best to be friends with him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Reasons the Avengers Can Only See Him as Captain America, and One Time They See Him as Steve

They had been a team for nearly a year, and Steve had watched closely at the friendships that developed. They were a prickly bunch, but Steve knew it was his job to make sure everyone felt like they had a place.

Clint and Natasha were close already, of course. Tony liked to snark about Natasha and Clint being professional liars, but they seemed to take it as a compliment. Natasha seemed mildly amused by Tony for the most part, and Clint’s second language was snark too, so he and Tony got along fine. At first Steve worried that living in the tower would be stressful for Bruce, but soon he realized that Bruce could take care of himself and was quite willing to walk away or even just doze off at the first sign of a stressful conversation. Surprisingly, he got along with Tony very well; apparently Bruce didn’t mind Tony’s high energy, and Tony seemed to enjoy Bruce’s imperturbability. Bruce took more time letting his guard down with the SHIELD agents. Eventually, though, he warmed up to them; Steve suspected it was in large part because Natasha and Clint would run to the dining room like bats out of hell whenever it was Bruce’s turn to cook. And all of them had grown closer once it was revealed that Fury had lied about Coulson, and again as they welcomed back (and expressed annoyance at) Coulson when he eventually returned as their handler. Coulson, too, had made an effort to get to know all of them better. And Thor, of course, only showed up occasionally, but was so easy in his affections and his laughter that he fit right in whenever he arrived.

Steve was glad that the team was coming together. None of them had many people they could count on, and they needed that bond in the field. He also noticed that as the Avengers grew closer together, none of them were growing all that close to Steve. It wasn’t like the Howling Commandos, with Bucky and all the other guys. There was a distance there that was closing, if at all, at a snail’s pace. 

Steve knew it was probably his own fault. He was probably not as open as he used to be. And since he still thought about Bucky all the time, he had to admit: if he saw one of those SHIELD shrinks, they would surely say that he was avoiding caring about his team too much. But the truth was, he did care about his team. A great deal. And it’s not like they were cold to him; there were slaps on the back, prank wars, movie nights, family meals, and he was always included fully. He even thought he might be a little paranoid, but somehow he couldn’t get rid of the notion that the team hesitated to get too close to him. They liked him, he could tell. But there was something holding them back.

But Steve figured it didn’t matter too much. It hurt, but as long as the team was functioning well, he didn’t want to rock the boat.

Besides, soon enough Steve had much bigger problems than a slightly distant team. 

\--

_When Tony was six years old, he heard his father tell his friends stories from the war._

_Stories, as always, about Captain America. Nobody was as brave, as true, as strong, as defiant, as Captain America. He represented the best kind of man._

_Tony hid in the hallway to listen as his father told the stories, even though Tony had already heard again and again. When his father’s friends finally left, Tony walked up to the armchair where his father sat._

_“Dad? I’m going to be like Captain America someday,” he said with a smile. He was imagining how proud his father was going to be of him someday._

_Howard just chuckled. “Don’t be silly, Tony,” he said, and sipped from his whiskey glass. “Captain America is a great hero.”_

_Tony frowned and walked away. He went back to his bedroom and threw all of his Captain America toys into the garbage._

_\--_

_In the height of the Cold War, Russian spies in training were given propaganda about Captain America. In particular, children who were raised to be spies were told horror stories about what the Americans would do to them if they ever made a mistake. Like a capitalistic Baba Yaga, Captain America was the monster that would tear you apart if you fell into his trap._

_When Natasha was five, she had nightmares about Captain America coming to get her._

_When she was six, her training became more rigorous and she starting having nightmares about different things._

_\--_

_When Clint was eleven, he and his brother had to do a brief stint in foster care. They hadn’t found the circus yet, and they were always being shuttled to a new house and a new set of foster parents who would make them go to school._

_Clint hated school. Once, he and Barney ended up as the only poor kids in a school full of rich jerks. The other boys wore expensive shoes and nice jeans and T-shirts with football team mascots or Captain America on them. These boys talked about how awesome Captain America was, and how they were going to be heroes some day and kick the asses of the bad guys._

_Clint never had a lot of comic books. But he knew the idea was that Captain America was always morally right. And that these boys in their Captain America shirts were thought of as the good boys. The ones who did their homework and smiled at the teacher and always had lunch money and clean clothes to wear. The ones who ganged up on Clint (because they wouldn’t have a chance in a fair fight) and shoved his face into the dirt. The ones who made fun of the way he looked and dressed in front of the whole class._

_After that, Clint just associated Captain America (and football, basketball, hockey, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) with assholes who acted like they were better than everyone else. With people who had a place in the world and liked to gloat over people who didn’t._

_\--_

_When Bruce was a kid, his favorite part of the Captain America story was that he was selected because he wasn’t a bully. He would never use his power to hurt those who were weaker._

_He thought about Captain America a lot when he was locked in a closet so he wouldn’t interfere with his father’s outbursts at his mother._

_“Outbursts” was the word she always used; Bruce grew to hate the word, to hate the very concept of something bursting out unwanted._

_Years later, he became obsessed with recreating the supersoldier serum. He wanted there to be more Captain Americas in the world (he wanted to be one of them). In the hell that followed, he had to recognize that if he hadn’t idealized Captain America – if he hadn’t let an image of a hero turn him into a monster – then he wouldn’t have sold his soul in the stupid, childish hope of becoming invulnerable._

_It hurt, to realize this about himself. And soon, even the thought of Captain America’s face, hidden behind that mask, made Bruce nauseous._

\--

They sat around the table, waiting for Steve to start talking. He was the one to call the meeting, and most of them had no idea why. 

Finally, he stood up straight in his chair, swallowed, and began.

“Thank you all for coming to day. I, uh, just wanted to tell you in person that I will be leaving the Avengers. And I will no longer be Captain America. It has been an honor serving with each and every one of you, but I need to leave.”

They sat there in silence for a moment. Then, Tony said, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m going after the Winter Soldier,” Steve said.

“We’ll help,” Tony answered.

Steve looked down at the table.

Natasha concluded, “You’re going after him to help him escape. So SHIELD can’t kill him.”

Steve grimaced. He looked up at her and nodded. 

Bruce said, “I understand that you and he… there’s history. But….”

“I know,” Steve said, smiling sadly. “He’s done… I mean he’s become something terrible. And it’s wrong to help someone like that. I… I know.” Something breaks as he says it, and they can see it: they see the veneer, the thinnest shell of feigned resilience, cracking his face into something painful, something bare. 

Clint asked, “Do you think you can stop him from killing any more people?” 

“I don’t know,” Steve said honestly. “I wish… I had better reasons for you. You deserve better reasons, I know that. And I completely understand if you come after me… I won’t blame you. I just… have to. I understand that you’ll see this as a betrayal. I mean…” Steve leaned back in his chair and winced as he spoke. “It is a betrayal. I know.” 

“You wouldn’t do that, Steve,” Tony said, then winced at how he sounded – like a child, confused at seeing his favorite hero saying a swear word.

Steve looked down at the table again. He ran a hand over his hair, and then placed his hands on the table awkwardly, like he wasn’t sure where they went, like he wanted to pull away. Finally, he looked back up at them. “I know it’s wrong. I know… I mean, I’ve tried to…” His voice cracks and he looks away for a moment before he returns to them. They are utterly silent and they can’t look away.

Steve continued, “I’ve just… tried to do the right thing. I’ve tried. Every second of every day, I’ve tried to think ‘What would Captain America do?’ I’ve always tried to live up to the name, I swear that I have. But this time, I can’t. I’m sorry. I just. I can’t.” He shook his head and covered half his face with folded hands. They could see him holding back the wet of his eyes. 

In that moment, Bruce and Natasha saw a person split in two, terrified that these two sides of himself were about to run in opposite directions, rending him into pieces.

Tony saw a man trapped in the pain of his past, reliving his losses again and again until they drove him halfway mad. 

Clint stared at Steve’s face, at the eyes, hollow with regret and guilt and weight. He saw, all of sudden, how very young Steve looked.

“We can’t help you,” Clint said finally. “He’s targeting SHIELD agents. But when all of this is over – however it ends – you’ll still have a place with us.”

“We understand that loyalty and principle are not always compatible,” Natasha added.

“SHIELD won’t allow me back,” Steve pointed out.

Tony clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Don’t be ridiculous. I love going against what SHIELD wants.”

Clint and Natasha rolled their eyes.

Natasha added, to Clint, “We should wait until Coulson until after the fact. So that he doesn’t have to lie to Fury.”

Clint nodded. 

“You’d better get going, then,” Bruce said with a nod to Steve. “The sooner you find him, the sooner you can come back.”

Steve stared at them all, smiling through barely-checked tears. “I don’t believe you guys,” he said with a little laugh.

“We’re pretty incredible,” Tony concurred. 

Steve smiled again, wider. “Yeah. I noticed.” He turned and walked away, out the door. But he didn’t forget to wave good-bye, and to watch all of them wave back.


End file.
